I'm going to join the Sakuma Ryuichi Fan Club.
April Fools to Myself. I hate that guy. Personal reasons that only one would know about.
Hey Tohma, 'sup? Nostalgia and irony wrapped in one, aint it? You know, it's SOOOOOOOO funny that you left a comment in my journal. Because you know what? It's probably not even you but some internet troll or stalker or something. You're pedojay aren't you? Ahaha. Real good. For awhile you made me want to kill myself even more, ahahahahahah! Oh, Fate, how you fist me without lube!
What's the rule about anti-depressants? Stop when you feel mania? Does it apply for bitter mania? Depressive mania? I should self-castrate and see if I feel anything. Maybe wrap it in a box and mail it to him. They belong to you, I'd say, as does my heart but I didn't know who would mail it to you after cutting it out.
Tempting. Tempting. Tempting. Tempting. Tempting. Tempting.
Bury your bones.
Remember sneaking on the trolleys in the park and feeding bread to the ducks? Mmm, skyscraper, I love you. You were so, so very beautiful. So beautiful.
Aha. Yes. Not anymore. You’re ugly. UGLY! It’s my fault, right? EVERYTHING IS? Huh?!
Oh yes. It is. I made the wrong move. Aha. Bitter irony. Wrong friends, wrong drink, wrong manipulation, wrong thoughts. It was less than two years. Two. Fucking. Years. I could have made it. I would have made it.
Fuck you, too!
FUCK YOU THREE!
Skydiving without a parachute is so dangerous. Just like free thinkers. Is Socrates in Hell shacking up with Michelangelo? Temper, temper, temper.
Fuck. God. It hurts to swallow. Can’t stand it.
Help me. Deliver me. Just fucking off me. It’s the book, isn’t it?! HUH?! HUH?! That STUPID book! I’ve written with all my blood, what more do you want?! It’s almost finished. I was just about ready then the plot twist came, one I didn’t expect.
Stay in New York. Contact me.
I’ll rot and die.
That’s what you want, isn’t it? Tohma, why didn’t you do it yourself? I would have let you. I would do anything for you. You’re so beautiful. And cynical. Some people wear gloves; others don’t. Why didn’t you? You have your why… was it not enough? I’ve eased the tension in your heart, right? So just put me out of my damn misery. I’m sure I’ll burn in hell.
On the tombstone it said “I hope to hell his soul is gone.”
Did you write that, Eiri-kun? Was that a product of you? It was in English.
Aha. Bitterness. Bitter. God. Fuck.
“The Drugs Don’t Work – They Just Make it Worse” – I forgot who.
I clicked on a link and saw a picture of Britney Spears’ vagina. How nice. Nice being an idiom for disgusting. Aha. It’s not. See? Another funny. APRIL FOOLS SELF!
Rope. That would work. And one of your albums and your book. Blonde country. Blond High Density.
I miss you.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Eiri-kun. I didn't mean to. Accident. And Tohma. God. Tohma, what did I do to you? Jealousy. I should have had the green eyes. Aha,wait, my eyes are greenish, aren't they? You pointed that out along with my bad haircut.
Up. Down. Where are the scissors? I'll be ugly. I'll do that so no one looks at me again. I'll become the box man.
Today is it. I finish.
There are electrical sandstorms in your heart; let's fly, let's fly, let's fly, let's fly...
The Dead Guy